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Debbie

"I enjoy work as an administrative assistant or an information specialist. I also believe in peer leadership. The PhotoVoice experience was fun and I thank all those who were involved."

 

 

Pick a piece of the puzzle.
What piece did you pick?

I don’t get to pick.

I’m ambushed and overwhelmed by them all at the same time … not able to separate one piece from another … not knowing what I’m feeling.

Happy. Sad. Hate. Love. Anger. Fear. Secure. Self-condemning. Irritated. Insecure. Self-defeating. Isolated. Self-destructive. Punishing. Self hatred. Rage. Self-sabotaging. Repressed. Confused. Detached. Disconnected. Unresponsive. Abandoned. Mistrusting. Aggravated. Frustrated.

This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be involved with family and friends. It’s just hard for me to understand how I’m supposed to interact.

Sometimes I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, which just makes you react to me. Then I crawl back into myself because I don’t know how to respond.

 

 

It did happen and it happened to me.

Does this make me not worthwhile? Am I discardable now? Can I still be productive in your society? Do you know who is standing next to you? Do you know who you’re living with? Do you know who you’re working with?

Sometimes it is hard to understand what is going on around me and to have a clear understanding of what I’m supposed to not be fearful of when everything is terrifying. I’m rendered motionless. My thoughts are not clear but at the same time make perfect sense while I’m in the moment.

It’s difficult not being able to do what I’m supposed to do during this time … which seems to be more often than not.

And this makes me very angry.

 

 

From 100’s of racing thoughts to zero, No thoughts. All day long Emotionally charged and drained In a matter of hours.

Never knowing where you will end up— Upside down Or on top of the world. Where nothing can stop you To not knowing if you’ll end up homeless.

A roller coaster of emotion Speeding out of control Till the emergency lever is pulled.

The turbulence is more than I wanted out of life. Always wanting to get off, Somehow I’m always pushed back into the game.